I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
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