This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
