yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
