it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Randomize
