We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
why is half of my head shaved?
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