I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Randomize
