if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
Who wears a wallet chain?!
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
