I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
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