Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
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