the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Randomize
