my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
Randomize
