I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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