i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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