There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Randomize
