i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
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