Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
My butt remains clenched, sir.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
