So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
