I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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