Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
