my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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