I've blown a few things in my day
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Randomize
