haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Randomize
