Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
Randomize
