Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Randomize
