Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
I think I sprained my soul last night
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
