Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Randomize
