girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
It's official drugs can't kill me
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
