Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
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