His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Randomize
