woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize
