I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
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