Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
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