4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
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