Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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