you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
