my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
Yes because finding a guy to give head to is pretty difficult.
I mean not really
Obviously that's why it was a joke you are so stupid it's impossible.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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