Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
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