well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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