Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
mondays should just be called national damage control day
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Also, beer. Big fan.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Randomize
