And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
