I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
