he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
