fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Randomize
