I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
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