if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
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