so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
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