Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
that's an acceptable place to lick
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Randomize
