if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Don't tell me you're on acid again
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Randomize
