Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
Randomize
