also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
