took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
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