I think I died a long time ago.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
