My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
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