dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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