On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
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